Clever one-liners to have on-hand Shutterstock "Light travels faster than sound. Now I can ride a motorbike, hows that going to help? Eric Lampaert. Gary Delaney Quotes facebook twitter googleplus I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell. Site by Chook, Pundamentalist: 1,000 jokes you probably haven't heard before. The high quantity of stand January 2023 Jan 14 Sat Salisbury, Arts Centre Gary Delaney More info Jan 15 Sun The Glee Club Nottingham Gary Delaney Sold out Jan 20 Fri Barnstaple, Queens Theatre Gary Delaney View Tickets Members also get exclusive bonus episodes from all featured podcasts featured on our brand new Hot Water Studios.Live Stream schedule - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLk3dQ67cxDLHFWfD_V6j1kwFCb6ZvqUNbMember only content - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=UUMOG1QXvv8CME3I6yts0IevTAFor Hot Water Comedy Club tickets, social media and information about our brand new 2022 venue please check out our mini website - https://linktr.ee/hotwatercomedyclub Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 28 Star Wars jokes that will make you laugh (and cringe) Joke book 'Pundamentalist' out too. One says: How do you drive this thing? A comedians comedian, who else does he admire on the comedy circuit these days? His tour dates regularly sell out. BBC Two. I bought my nephew a caterpillar cake without checking the best before date, so now hes got a butterfly cake. Its not my fault, its a condition. Its not like Angry Birds. His wisecracks are so daft and occasionally clever that it is impossible not to laugh, and you stand a realistic chance of pulling a muscle in your side. New tour Gary in Punderland on sale, new dates added. 2. This website and associated newspapers adhere to the Independent Press Standards Organisation's As I was leaving, he said: Dont forget poobags!, I was like Alright, Gran, you can come as well.. Police arrested two kids yesterday. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did. A milk shake! Sorry, something's gone wrong. I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldnt find any. Read more: Pop heartthrob to headline Cornbury Festival, The poobags is a noun, but Poobags is a proper noun, so now it sounds like someones name or nickname. It took them two hours to pass the salt. That is wrong on so many different levels. Tim Vine, Do you know what I love most about baseball? Read more: Foals and Supergrass hit home turf for only Oxfordshire festival appearances, Experiment in good rooms, edit in hard rooms. So I bought 100 copies ofGoldfinger. Nick Hall (2015), Ive decided to stop masturbating, since then Ive not really felt myself. Tom Toal (2015), I always thought Trojan was a bad name for a condom brand because of course the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls.Jonny Lennard(2014), My wife told me: Sex is better on holiday. That wasnt a nice postcard to receive.Joe Bor(2014), The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. 106K views, 466 likes, 14 loves, 123 comments, 429 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from LIVE at Hot Water Comedy Club: Gary Delaney | Fantastic One Liners! Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. It was a shitzu. My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, hes a Catholic converter. Youll look at your iPhone 5 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on. Athena Kugblenu (2017), I had a job drilling holes for water it was well boring. Leo Kearse (2018), Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day. Adam Rowe (2018), I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. Is it OK that I start drinking as soon as the kids are at school? Because they use honey combs! Where do cows go for entertainment? 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes contact IPSO here, 2001-2023. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place. To the moo-vies! Weve just got a little dog. Reason being, things work. Henning When, Im learning the hokey cokey. JUN 26 2020 House Of Fun Comedy Club Which has confused a lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier If I knew that we wouldnt need the bloody phone. Lee Evans, I doubt theres a heaven; I think the people from hell have probably bought it for a timeshare. Victoria Wood, I said to the gym instructor: Can you teach me to do the splits?He said: How flexible are you?I said: I cant make Tuesdays. Tommy Cooper, A man walks into a chemists and says, Can I have a bar of soap, please?The chemist says, Do you want it scented?And the man says, No, Ill take it with me now. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners The first,. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more videos - http://bit.ly/2vBzt2f Ticket for all shows - www.hotwatercomedy.co.uk | By LIVE at Hot Water Comedy Club | Facebook Log In Forgot Account? What did the left eye say to the right eye? Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club (2019 Video) Plot Showing all 0 items Jump to: Summaries It looks like we don't have any Plot Summaries for this title yet. none. But not on snow day. Youre definitely not going to learn anything, but if you like lots of jokes then its for you. 105.2. 5 things to know about Dancehall legend Beenie Man when he performs in London this September, 5 things about where to spend the heatwave in London: Shaved Ice Gin Pop Up Bar in Belgravia, ROKU X Pantechnicon, 5 things about the The Bobby Moore Fund London Celebrity Sports Quiz. Best jokes from. Its all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick Andrew Lawrence (2008), Doctor, doctor! Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club(2019 Video) Gary Delaney: Self It looks like we don't have any photos or quotes yet. But Ive got the ins and outs. Iain Stirling, Roses are red, violets are blue, Im a schizophrenic, and so am I. Billy Connolly, My mother told me, you dont have to put anything in your mouth you dont want to. I said, "No, wait! He goes on: Dont speak too fast, stick to your time, do a little pause before the funny bit, dont waffle, fake confidence, hold the mike near your mouth, be polite, and stay in the light. Obviously it wasnt called that, it was advertised as a School Reunion. What do you call an alligator in a vest? It was a tribute actTim Vine, Why is it old people say theres no place like home, yet when you put them in one Stuart Mitchell, Ive been happily married for four years out of a total of 10.Mark Watson, Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.Mark Smith, I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasnt much use. I backed a horse last week at 10 to one. This is Comedy Club Classics 2014-2017. 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed. Josie Long, The easiest time to add insult to injury is when youre signing somebodys cast. Demetri Martin, I was in my car driving back from work. ' Stewart Francis, Im sure wherever my Dad is, hes looking down on us. Um, well How to use the cold weather payment postcode checker, and when the 25 is paid, Warning freezing temperatures could be 'deadly' as conditions from asthma to dehydration worsen, We can praise Maya Jama without insulting Laura Whitmore, Robert Jenrick backs calls to strip serial rapist David Carrick of his Met Police pension, Ken Bruce promises golden oldies at Greatest Hits Radio after row over Radio 2 axing classics, Jacob Rees-Mogg's bonfire of EU laws is a vanity project that even Brexiteers want rid of, Why top BBC stars like Ken Bruce are quitting for rival media companies, Nursing chief apologises for strikes but says 'we are desperately trying to save the NHS', The BBC has stopped caring about radio Ken Bruce is the price, How to listen to Greatest Hits Radio on FM and DAB, and when Ken Bruce starts, Do not sell or share my personal information. Also live is more fun as its in the moment. You know what your boss was trying to say? I love Alan Davies, but my aversion to comedian books meant that although it came out in 2020, I didn't read it till early this year. Ive got the memory of an elephant; I remember one-time I went to the zoo and I saw an elephant. You win the gold, you feel good. Pundamentalist by Gary Delaney is out now (Headline, 12.99). Gary Delaney Biography, Age, Wife, Stand-up, Movies, Tour and One Liners. She was wearing massive gloves. Alun Cochrane, As a kid I was made to walk the plank. The stand-ups I admire the most are all gag-men, people who could write a really good short funny joke, he says. Im on a whisky diet. No one else can deliver jokes at such volume and velocity. Um, well How to use the cold weather payment postcode checker, and when the 25 is paid, Robert Jenrick backs calls to strip serial rapist David Carrick of his Met Police pension, Warning freezing temperatures could be 'deadly' as conditions from asthma to dehydration worsen, We can praise Maya Jama without insulting Laura Whitmore, Why top BBC stars like Ken Bruce are quitting for rival media companies, Jacob Rees-Mogg's bonfire of EU laws is a vanity project that even Brexiteers want rid of, NHS workers will keep striking for months as ministers set to ignore pay talks until April, Ken Bruce promises golden oldies at Greatest Hits Radio after row over Radio 2 axing classics, Nursing chief apologises for strikes but says 'we are desperately trying to save the NHS', How to listen to Greatest Hits Radio on FM and DAB, and when Ken Bruce starts, Do not sell or share my personal information. Soyseems to be the hardest word.Phil Nicol, Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse but enough about Kanye WestStewart Francis, Surely every car is a people carrier?Adam Hess, Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Review: Gary Delaney, Theatre Royal Winchester . The high quantity of stand out gags leaves the audience struggling to remember them all. 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Free delivery for many products! I spent this morning swanning around the town centre, I hissed at people and broke a mans arm. Gig every night. | Gary Delaney With 23 One Liners! That is wrong on so many different levels.Tim Vine, I picked up a hitch hiker. My first special 'Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013' is available for free to everyone on my mailing list. She was livid, what am I going to do with two dead dogs?. SEP 05 2020 Harrogate Theatre, Pingback: Trevor Noah Bio, Age, Real Name, Parents, Net Worth and The Daily Show, Pingback: Ilana Glazer Biography, Age, Brother, Husband, The Planet is Burning, Tour, Pingback: Sarah Millican Biography, Age, Husband, Books, Net Worth and Comedy, Email: I had to put my foot down. Youve got to when you hit them.Emo Philips, As a kid I was made to walk the plank. My girlfriend's dog died and to cheer her up I bought her an identical one.

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